


Shiver

by bessmertny



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, it has feelings and such but don't let them fool you, like really porn, pft, this is porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 22:51:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7732897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessmertny/pseuds/bessmertny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her back straightens and he can see it from the look in her eyes that she’s making a decision, from the way she’s looking at him.<br/>“I want to.” she says, her nose grazing his and he nearly chokes on air.<br/>“What is it that you want?” he asks and barely can recognize his own voice, the need in it.<br/>He wants to hear her say it, he needs it.<br/>And of course, she doesn’t recoil, doesn’t shy away.<br/>She looks in his eyes and he can see the lust in them, the decision.<br/>“Everything.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shiver

**Author's Note:**

> Again, anon's fault : "Nessian nsfw where the first time they have sex, Cassian gets so overwhelmed by how much he loves and admires Nesta he comes almost immediately and has to take a minute to calm himself down before continuing"

Cassian wakes up with Nesta’s head under his chin.

She’s restless even while she sleeps, trying to kick off the covers with an annoyed puff and he can’t help but smile.

 It’s been exactly ninety four nights from her last nightmare.

 Nightmares where he had to keep her hands from scratching her own throat and murmur at her that _she could breath_ , she was at home, she was safe.

The way she grasped his shoulders after, like he was an anchor, the only thing keeping her from drowning but always mindful of all the bandages on his wings, it broke his heart.

 But not as much as her hating it, hating the vulnerability of it, hating that whatever it was she felt for him was stronger than her pride.

And the way she shut him out, her walls going stronger every morning, like she had to prove herself that when the sun came out she didn’t need him and it never failed to make him feel a rage and a sadness he never felt before.

 It wasn’t easy for them.

 He moves his arms and brings her closer, her back clasped to his chest.

Cassian kisses the crown of her head and she moves, turning to him and hiding her face in his chest, grunting.

“Good Morning, sweetheart.” he says, but Nesta’s only answer is another grunt, and he lowers his face to watch her nestle herself in his arms, her head a mess of golden brown hair.

“Not so keen on waking up, are we?” Cassian asks laughing and she firmly shakes her head as answer, her forehead moving on his collarbone and he laughs even more.

She makes an appreciative sound deep in her throat and they are so entangled he can feel the tiny vibrations of it on his skin.

“You’re warm.”, she says, her voice is rough from sleep and he chuckles.

A part of him still can’t believe it, can’t believe she’s in his arms at last, that she won’t hide, won’t use her words to shelter herself.

That he won’t wake up in a pool of his own blood and her screams in his head.

 “Are you using me for my body heat, woman?” he  tries to make his voice sound serious and she looks up at him at that and Cassian wonders if the storm in her eyes will always make the breath stop in his lungs.

“Obviously.” she replies with a deadpan tone, moving until her eyes are at the same level of his and he moves a bit when Nesta’s hand tries to slither under his hip joining her hands in the small of his back, her arms around him and he feels safe and loved, _so loved_ with such a small gesture, it makes his heart sing.

 “Of course the fact that I love you doesn’t hurt.” she adds, and her voice is so sure, like loving him it’s an indisputable logical conclusion, something that she knows it’s true like the heat from the sun.

 He remembers the first time she told him those precious words, a while after he shouted them at her, unable to contain them, sure they were going to burst from his chest.

She took his face in her hands and looked him in the eyes, ice versus earth, and said “I do love you” with such certainty in her voice, like if after those words came out of her mouth there was no coming back from them.

That’s when he felt their mating bond snapping into place.

 And, even after she accepted it, they decided to take things slow, one step at a time.

 And it drives him out of his mind.

 Cassian can feel his self control slip most times because he wants her, wants her so much sometimes he thinks he’ll go mad with the sheer intensity of it.

And the bond makes it a hundred times more difficult, the need to take his mate, his mate, _his mate_.

To make her _his_.

But he waits.

Thanks to some sort of miracle that he is incredibly grateful of, he manages it.

But in times like this, when she is all on him and so soft and so beautiful, he can’t help but kiss her and kiss her and he does, cups the side of her face and kisses her with everything he has and he breaths in that scent of hers and it never fails to make him lose all sense of self, to make everything that isn’t _them_ blur.

Nesta gets closer, moving her hands until they’re buried in his hair and he can feel her body on his, those gorgeous breasts and he can’t help the warmth pooling in his groin.

Her back straightens and he can see it from the look in her eyes that she’s making a decision, from the way she’s looking at him.

“I want to.” she says, her nose grazing his and he nearly chokes on air.

“What is it that you want?” he asks and barely can recognize his own voice, the need in it.

He wants to hear her say it, he needs it.

And of course, she doesn’t recoil, doesn’t shy away. She looks in his eyes and he can see the lust in them, the decision.

“ _Everything_.”

 He moves as fast as he can and she’s under him, he can feel his wings move and he wants to open them, to surround her with every bit of him.

 She kisses him, raw and real and she moves for his shirt and he helps her, but he knows he needs to go slow, slow, slow.

They will have time to go hard and fast after today, if she wants to, but this moment...

It’s her first time, her first time in all of this and he’ll make so good for her, he’ll do everything she wants him to do and he can’t-

He takes a moment to breath, his face in her neck.

He kisses her column of her throat, like he did then and like he wants to keep doing for the rest of eternity, and trails down; between her breasts, on her abdomen and going lower and lower.

Cassian looks up at her and her mouth his open while she watches him, her breathing ragged.

He lifts her nightgown until it’s pooled around her hips and kisses her tights and it’s the first time he can do this, _the first time,_ and he’s heart it’s beating so fast and he can _smell_ her, smell her arousal and he looks at her again, trying to cool the desire to bury his face between her thighs.

 Nesta’s face is flushed and his eyes don’t leave hers when he kisses her above her underwear, on the apex of her and then goes down, right in the centre of her sex and she moans, her hands clenched on the pillow.

Her thighs are around his head and he places his hands on each, opening them and she lets him, gives him more space on her.

Cassian’s hands shake when he moves her underwear aside and his tongue licks her in a big stroke and she’s so wet he can _taste_ her, the salt and sweet of her, it’s already his favorite flavor.

So he kisses and suck and licks and she’s writhing under him, moaning, her nightgown just under her breasts and Cassian wants it off, he doesn’t want a strip of fabric on her.

He starts with her underwear, sliding them down her legs and he’s hands still tremble but she doesn’t stop him, she moves her legs to make it easier for him but Cassian can’t help the moment of hesitation when his hands move to her nightgown, because he wants to be sure she wants this, wants _him_.

 But it’s her hands that guide his to the edge of it, her fingers tight around his own and moves the nightgown above her head and they only separate when she needs to make her arms pass through the sleeves and then she’s naked and Cassian’s heart is in his throat she’s so beautiful, so beautiful it’s unreal and there’s a blush staining her cheeks and one of her hands goes to cover herself, self conscious, her eyes on him and he can’t believe he grew up to be such a lucky bastard.

She kisses him, and it’s a little uncertain like she doesn’t know what to do with herself.

But he does.

He kisses her back and takes her breasts in his hands and the contact of skin on skin makes her yelp and he delights in the sound of it.

But he goes down on her again, and the contact of his tongue on her makes her arch her back and the view he gets of her naked body is the most delicious thing he ever saw.

He moves is hand, brings it were his mouth his and strokes her slowly and the contact is enough to make her nearly jump from the bed.

“Easy, love.” he says but doesn’t stop and she moans, openly and wantonly and it’s nearly more than he can take.

He’s so, so achingly hard and when his finger pokes at her entrance and she looks down at him and says

“ _Please_ ” he can’t help his hips from grinding against the bed, searching from some friction as his finger go in and she’s so tight and so hot and he can’t, fuck, _fuck_ -

Her back arches and the noises she makes, they’re so loud, so perfect and he just wants to be inside her, wants it, wants it, needs it.

He moves his finger, in and out and she calls his name and he flicks his tongue, keeps doing this until he feels she’s ready for another and two fingers have her nearly screaming, but not in pain.

He needs- needs to see her face, needs to kiss her and needs to stop his hips from moving or he’ll come in his pants like a fool.

Her hands leave the pillow the moment he’s on her, moving on his chest, her breathing coming in quick gasps, his fingers still inside her, in and out, in and out, moving.

Nesta pulls her to him and tries to shove his shirt up and he goes harder, stops when his knuckles meet the sensitive flesh of her sex.

She arches and yelps, and he thinks-he thinks she’s ready, and he knows that if he keeps on going she’ll come, knows it from the way she closes on him, from the shaking of her legs and he wants to feel it, wants her to come on his cock, wants her to come for him.

 He removes his fingers and Nesta whines a “ _No_ ”. He can’t resist the urge to kiss her, to taste her on his fingers and he nearly dies when she takes his fingers in her mouth and _sucks_.

 “ _Fuck_ ” he says, and she-she removes his shirt and he’s like clay in her hands, his body following the movements she wants him to make.

She later goes to the string of his pants and doesn’t know if he should stop her, give her time to think even while his instinct is yelling at him the opposite.

“I want this. I want _you_.” There is not even one inch between their faces and he can feel her breath on his lips “Make love to me, Cassian.” the way she says those words, so sweetly, gently, breathless and he can’t-Cassian can’t think in this moment, he can’t breathe.

_Make love to me_.

 He nods, helpless and both their hand remove the string of his pants and her hand move to his torso, tracing his tattoos while he swings his pants past his hips, past his legs and feet and he’s naked in front of her, his mate, his everything, his Nesta.

 Cassian moves until their hips are flushed, hoisting himself up on shaking arms. Her hand moves on his cheek and he knows she can feel it, everything that he is feeling in the exact same way he can feel her and Mother, he has never been so _everything_ in his entire life- nervous, excited, happy beyond reason.

He uses his hand to align his cock to her entrance and pushes in and she’s so perfect, she’ so hot and tight around him and _shit_ he won’t last long and he knows it. He moans, feels it deep in his chest and she does too, and gods, she’s so wet he can feel it on his skin.

There’s no hint of pain in her face, only the beautiful _o_ of her lips as she moans.

He goes all the way in and out, thrust after glorious thrust but he can’t, he can’t.

“I-I can’t-”, he tries to say but that he doesn’t know how to speak, only knows how to be inside her, over and over “I can’t last long, Nesta, I can’t, I can’t.” and there’s a laugh, a self deprecating one.

“Then we’ll do it again.” it’s her answer as she claims his mouth with hers and he comes, he _shatters_ and it’s the strongest orgasm he has ever had, his hips moving through it and the sound that comes out of his mouth it’s strangled, muffled on Nesta’s lips and his whole body trembles with the force of it.

 He’s panting and tries to move, to give her some space but her legs go around his hips, keeping him in place, keeping him inside her.

Cassian lowers himself a bit, afraid he’ll fall on her and she kisses him harder, her hands at the sides of his face and he can feel her breasts on his chest and it’s nearly enough to make his blood boil again.

 The kiss is sloppy, all tongue and teeth and want and he thanks the gods for his short refractory time because when one his hands roll on her breast she groans and he feels the blood rushing through him again, his cock twitching.

 He places his forehead on hers, breathing deeply.

The mating bond is a living thing between them and he strokes it gently, lovingly, while his thumb move on the peak of her breast and she moans in his mouth.

Cassian’s already half hard and makes a tentative thrust, Nesta bites his lower lip and then licks it and her feet move on his back, pulling him to her, urging him on.

 By the time he’s fully inside her he’s hard again, and moves the hand on her breast to her back, lifting her hips from the mattress and he thrusts sharply, the sound of skin on skin echoing in the room.

She arches, moaning in surprise, her hand over her mouth, her eyes close and she’s so beautiful and _his._

He angles his hips and the spot he hits have her yelling “ _Again_.”

 

Cassian obliges her, hitting that spot inside her again and again, his mouth on her neck because he wants to hear her.

“Do you like it? Do you love having me inside you? Because I love it, fuck, _I love you_ , Nesta, Nesta.” He’s blabbering, her name on his lips like a blessing.

She’s whimpering, moaning, her arms around his neck and they’re so close he doesn’t know when she ends and he begins.

“Yes, yes, I love it, _I love you_ , don’t stop, please don’t stop.” she’s starting to shake and his name falls from her lips again and again, the arm lifting her from the bed goes down, making Nesta lean on the bed again and his hand goes between her legs stroking her in her quick circles and she loses all sense of control with that touch, a chant of “ _please, please, Cassian, please_.”

 He goes harder and faster, her heat tightens around him and she comes and the blissful expression on her face is something he never wants to forget but he keeps going, keeps stroking her through it and pounding into her and she sound she makes, like her orgasm hits her again and again in time with Cassian’s thrusts and she can’t come down from her high.

 He takes her legs and places them above his shoulders and this position allows him to go deeper, to thrust harder, and she keeps pulling him down to her, kissing him between moans and whimpers.

 He feels a new orgasm starting to rise and he pulls out of her just to go in again, faster and she arches again, her nails scraping his shoulders.

 When Cassian comes again he can barely breathe, and he pulls out just to give his hand more space and he sees Nesta’s eyes go wide as his hand strokes her harder, quicker, on all the length of her sex and she shakes even more, her moans getting louder and louder and she comes again, whimpering his name.

 They are both panting and shaking, whispering _I love you,_ cradled in each other’s arms.

He moves her hair from her face and kisses her forehead and he had never loved and will never love something, anything, as he loves her.

He feels the bond between them go stronger as sleep claims them, tangled in each other and sweaty and so incredibly, eternally happy.

 


End file.
